This is a guest post from Ali Cornish of Everthrive.

Pregnancy is a time of great joy, anticipation, and excitement as families await their newest members. This 40-week period comes with both positive feelings and negative feelings – it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and scared as a baby’s due date approaches. A new mother may think about how her life will change going forward, how having a child might affect her relationships, if she will have enough support from her partner or family members once the baby arrives, or if she will be able to handle her new responsibilities alongside the ones she already has. These are all very normal worries and anxieties.

But what if you became pregnant during an international pandemic?

I discovered I was pregnant on March 7th, 47 days after the first case of COVID-19 was diagnosed in the United States. 

That day, I attended a chili cook-off, a beloved neighborhood event that brings all the families together every year. As I chatted with friends and kept track of my toddler, I couldn’t help but smile with the secret knowledge that I was growing a new human inside of me. 

It was such a happy day. Children laughed and ran around the yard, jumping on the trampoline, and playing tag while their parents hung out on the patio, catching up over beer and chili. COVID-19 was just something that happened to other people, far away from that warm gathering. 

As I sat with others and sipped a sparkling water, I happily recalled all the excitement from my first pregnancy: meeting and socializing with other expectant mothers during prenatal swim classes; connecting with my changing body through twice-weekly yoga; and attending structured birth classes where my husband Josh and I both learned what to expect. 

Despite being a recent transplant to Fort Collins, I already had a strong support system of other pregnant mommas and we met up regularly. We hired a doula, did all the necessary just-before-birth preparations, and calmly waited for the day when our son would arrive. 

I remembered taking long walks and hikes through the nearby natural areas. At night, I’d cozy up on the couch with Josh, where we’d watch our shows, or read Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth. We traveled by plane many times throughout the pregnancy to see family in Michigan and Chicago, and we took a “Babymoon” on the big island of Hawaii where we circumnavigated the island, explored so many beautiful natural places and towns, and stayed at a meditation retreat where we ate fresh tropical fruit constantly. 

I was grounded in happy anticipation with only a few minor normal anxieties.  

On May 18, 2018, I labored without medication or intervention for four hours, and pushed for two. At 12:06am on May 19, 2018, Miles was born. He was beautiful, so alert and so very perfect. When a midwife placed him on my chest he actually crawled to my breast and nursed. It hadn’t been more than a few minutes. Family visited us a few weeks afterwards, and we were able to share our joy with them. 

I reminisced about all this at the chili party while drinking sparkling water and trying to blend in. Lost in my own thought, I truly had no idea what anyone was talking about, but it didn’t matter. Josh and I exchanged secret smiles from across the yard. We were going to have another baby! 

Just 4 days later, WHO declared COVID-19 a pandemic. On March 25, the Colorado Governor told us to shelter-in-place. All non-essential businesses were shuttered, and the economy essentially shut down. 

Being pregnant during the pandemic hasn’t been ideal.

All my expectations about experiencing the joys of my first pregnancy over again were basically thrown in the trash. 

(Note: As I write this, I am 37 weeks pregnant.)

I no longer have physical support systems of my fellow mommas. I can’t attend prenatal exercise classes – classes that (for me) were more about sharing with other mommas and less about actual physical benefits. We won’t be able to have our doula attend the birth, as she will be caring for our toddler while we are at the hospital. Normally, our family would visit and help out, but they can’t due to the extreme risk of travel during this unprecedented time.

I once had a fulfilling amount of social activities, but now as everyone has been exercising their own degrees of caution, I’ve had to severely limit my physical contact with my friends. 

When I visit the Women’s Clinic where I receive prenatal care, there are no expectant glances or stories shared while we collectively wait to be called back. Mothers look at their phones, hiding behind masks, avoiding eye contact. Happy banter has been replaced by temperature checks and covid screenings.  

My pregnancy anxieties combined with pandemic worries culminated in living with constant fear of catching the virus. I was once tolerant of germs, now I’m afraid of them. My hands have been raw with constant washing. 

It is very difficult to feel fully present in this pregnancy. It has been hard to set aside time for self-care since I’ve been rushing around getting things ready for the baby and tying things up at work. I’ve been doing all this while maintaining a household and caring for a very active, curious toddler who wants his momma to play with him all of the time. 

We’ve had no family visits to look forward to. No one will be visiting after the baby is born. His grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins might not meet him until he is almost one year old. 

Despite the chaos looming all around me, the baby has continued to thrive. 

Each kick and wiggle reminds me of his inevitable arrival, and the important duty I have to him as a mother. His warm undulating presence reminds me that my first and foremost concern is to bring him safely into the world, shelter him and nourish him until he is ready to venture into independence. Placing a hand on my belly and feeling his sweet little feet takes me back to where I’m supposed to be. Right here, creating a new life. Just as I have a duty to my family, my husband, and my toddler, I have a duty to this infant boy who will become a child, a teenager, a young adult, and a man. This should be my primary worry. All others, out of my control, should just float away. 

Easier said than done, right? 

It’s been hard to ground myself during my pandemic pregnancy, but I’ve found that it’s possible. And I know many other women are struggling to thrive in similar circumstances. We are all in this pandemic together, pregnant or not. 

Life is a constant ebb and flow. It’s impossible to stay grounded in a situation when the very nature of the world is in flux. Change is the natural state of being, but it can be hard to ride each change during times of incredible transition such as now. 

In general, when people feel that life is chaotic and confusing, we devote too much time to the negative. In our fear, we overthink things, and we cling to solutions to the wrong problems. We dwell on things that didn’t go well, and constantly think up worst case scenarios. I’m reminded of an essay I wrote years ago on managing stress when times get tough.

To ground ourselves during tough times, we can do the following:

1. Notice and appreciate our thoughts – If we take account of the situation, and put it into perspective, we might be able to understand the reasons behind our catastrophic thinking patterns. Keeping a journal is a good way to chart our thoughts and “diagnose” our negative thoughts. Once we pinpoint our worries, we can take positive action to improve our thinking patterns.

2. Spend time outside – I’ve always supported nature’s ability to soothe, to take us back to simpler times. All is well when the birds are chirping, the streams are flowing, and animals scamper to and fro. The natural world has a way of bringing us back to ourselves, wiping slates clean, and instilling clarity and calm. This is because nature is always there as a constant comfort, while other aspects of our lives come and go. 

3. Exercise – Studies show that exercise is very effective at increasing alertness, and enhancing our brain function by releasing natural endorphins, aka painkillers. Physical activity can actually trick us into feeling happier, making us actually happier. Just a walk in nature can do the trick!

4. Connect – Even though we can’t physically be with our friends and family, we should seek them out. Talk to them. Continue to check in and meaningful connections with them. They can help you see past your worries and give you some much needed perspective. 

5. Breathe – Take some time to breathe, in and out, slowly. This naturally reduces your blood pressure and heart rate, calming you down so that you can see more clearly. 

6. Let go – Know that you can only control what you do, say, or feel. You can’t control anything that happens around you, and you can’t control what other people do. You are in control of yourself, so let all of those worries go! Be grateful for what you have, take action to ensure your immediate safety and comfort, and know that you will be OK. 

In just a few short weeks, I’ll be giving birth to a fragile new human life. A life that will need comfort, shelter, warmth, and love above all. Knowing this keeps me from diving into all the other pains of the world. When I place my hand on my swollen belly, I’m reminded not to worry about all the “what ifs” of living during the COVID-19 pandemic. I remember not to dwell on the political upheaval and unrest precipitated by the upcoming presidential election. Instead of dwelling on present uncertainties, I place my hopes in the future, in my two sons, and in my all important role of being their mother.