Disruption, Discomfort, Discovery, and Decision: Life During COVID-19 and Beyond

As I think about the impact of COVID-19 around the world, one word keeps coming up: disruption. In a matter of weeks, every facet of our lives has been disrupted: 

• health (physical, mental, and/or emotional)
• finances
• work and education
• relationships with family, friends, and the larger community
• leisure
• access to and availability of products and services that we took for granted

Whether you are fighting the virus on the front lines or on the home front, in the midst of unprecedented uncertainty, one thing is certain: COVID-19 will forever shape the rest of our lives. For pretty much everyone on the planet, there was a time before COVID-19, the time we are living in now, and there will be a time after. 

From Disruption to Discomfort

By now, you’ve probably had plenty of time to think about your life before COVID-19, to mourn the loss of what used to be. Maybe you’ve changed the way you spend money. Staying at home means your daily Starbucks “run” has been replaced by a walk to your kitchen coffee maker. Instead of browsing the Dollar Spot at Target, you get what you need at the store and get out (if you even go at all). Financial strain due to loss of job or income may make you keenly aware of wants versus needs.

Even if you haven’t changed how you’ve spent your money, most of the world has changed how we’ve spent our time. The majority of the United States is under stay-at-home orders, and as of this writing, a third of the world’s population is on lockdown. Our daily activities have come to a screeching halt, and we are trying to navigate living a new normal within the confines of our homes. 

From Discomfort to Discovery

Any time we have feelings of discomfort or loss, our first inclination is to fill the space. Since we can’t fill the space with being busy, we fill it with our numbing device of choice: social media, Netflix, shopping, food, alcohol. I would invite you, however, to hold the emptiness and examine it, rather than push it away. As Courtney Carver says in her book Project 333, “Be willing to feel the emptiness and wait for the lessons.” You can then decide how you want to live your life after this strange season is over. Here are three steps to help you:

1. Make a “What I Miss” List

Whether you have new “co-workers” underfoot or are understanding for the first time how much you value in-person interaction (with people other than the people you live with), it’s easy to be aware of who and what we miss. I miss teachers. I miss driving. I miss hugging my friends and celebrating their birthdays with more than an e-card and a Zoom call. Who or what do you miss? 

Write down a “What I Miss” list on a piece of paper. Big or small, write it all down. Read the list. Hold space for what is there. Then thank it for the lessons it will teach you. Instead of a vague feeling of loss, this list will help to show you what you take for granted, and perhaps what is truly important to you. 

2. Make a “What I Don’t Miss” List

Now that we have written down what we are missing, we can turn our attention to what we don’t miss. I would invite you to write these things down right beside your “What I Miss” list. 

Here are some to consider:

• Rushing around from activity to activity
• Sitting in traffic
• Doing something out of obligation or guilt
• Being around people that drain you
• Finding worth in what you have rather than what you are, what other people can see rather than what you know to be true inside you

The “What I Don’t Miss” List is a powerful mindset shift because it proves to us that even in times of strain, hardship, and discomfort, there are things about our former life that we could do without. It also allows us to feel gratitude for the things on the list. If you’re having a hard time finding things to be grateful for during this season, start with this list.

3. Make a “What I Want to Keep” List

As the weeks continue, and our new normal isn’t so new anymore, revisit your Miss and Don’t Miss lists to see how they’ve changed. You may realize that your home-brewed coffee tastes just as good as Starbucks or that you start to look forward your evening walk around the neighborhood. Perhaps the distance from a relationship is enough for you to realize that you need to set stronger boundaries around it going forward.

I recently heard a podcast interview where the impact of COVID-19 on our schedules was likened to a forced “elimination diet.” In an elimination diet, you remove foods that you think your body can’t tolerate, and then slowly reintroduce them at a later time. 

You may notice that some of your previous behaviors, activities, and relationships have not served you, and decide to eliminate them. You may also realize that some of the things that have changed since you’ve been at home more, like family dinners or time catching up with friends, are things worth keeping.

From Discovery to Decision: Life After COVID-19

Creating a “What I Want to Keep” list allows you to intentionally decide what you want to reintroduce back into your life. Look at your Miss and Don’t Miss lists. Compare your pre-COVID-19 schedule to your current one. What no longer serves you? What is serving you now? What will serve you in the future? If you have a partner and/or children, you may want to include them in the discussion as well. You can replace the “I” in the suggestions below with “we”: 

• What activities do I enjoy that I want to keep going forward?
• What was I doing out of guilt or obligation that I no longer want to do? How can I communicate my desires to people who are affected?
• Where can I schedule time for rest, reflection, and self-care into my schedule? What do I need to eliminate in order to do this?
• What relationships do I want to continue to nurture? What relationships no longer serve me?
• Does my revised schedule reflect my values? If not, what do I need to add or eliminate? 

It’s difficult in the lonely moments, or in the moments where you don’t think you can spend another moment with your cohabitants, to think of staying at home as a luxury. Yet for those of us “safe at home”, the disruption of a worldwide pandemic has given us the opportunity to pause, recognize our discomfort, discover what kind of life truly aligns with our values, and decide to live it fully as we move toward a post-COVID-19 world.

For more ideas about how to review your calendar and reflect on how you want to move forward post-COVID, check out my most popular free resource 50 Questions Minimalists Ask.