I read Marie Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up this past summer, and it had a profound effect on how I think about my possessions. While I feel that Kondo’s approach to tidy your home in “one shot” is unrealistic, and I choose not to follow some of her specific folding instructions, the “why” behind her tidying process resonates deeply with me. It is a question of identity: who we are now, who we want to be, and how we want to live our lives going forward. As she says, “The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.”
I was excited to check out Kondo’s Netflix series Tidying Up, where Kondo works with people in various life stages to tidy their homes: younger couples with no children, couples with children of various ages, empty nesters, and a widow. I was curious whether I would learn anything new and I was pleased that I had several takeaways from watching the series.
Take a Moment to Greet Your Home
When Kondo and her interpreter visit each home, the first thing they do is ask for a tour. You can feel the nervous anticipation in the air as each family uncovers their clutter. When the tour is done, everyone is ready to dive in and get started, but Kondo pauses and explains that she wants to take a moment to greet the home first. As calming music plays, Kondo kneels down to the ground, closes her eyes, and does a short meditative ritual. (Does anyone else take some calming deep breaths during this part?) Sometimes she asks the families to participate with her, envisioning how they want to feel in their home when the tidying process is complete.
I think this ritual can be a daily part of our lives, although perhaps we don’t need to kneel down on the floor to do so. When you touch the doorknob to enter your home, greet it and say hello. Thank it for giving you shelter and for being a place of joy for you and your family. Before you start decluttering, envision what you want your home to look like and feel like when you are done. These mindfulness exercises can be very powerful to help us create a joyful home.
Gratitude is Key to Tidying
Kondo’s first tidying lesson is clothing. She asks each family member to take all of their clothing, shoes, purses, etc. and pile them in one place. As the mountain grows, the eager anticipation turns to overwhelm. How did I amass all of this stuff? Kondo is patient and encourages her students to start with something that they know sparks joy for them- or definitely doesn’t. She requires you to hold each item in your hands to make your decision. If the item does not spark joy, you thank the item of clothing and let it go.
While this process is outlined in Kondo’s book, I gained additional insight as to why it is important by watching Tidying Up. When you decide to let go of an item of well-worn clothing that no longer serves you, you thank it for everything it has done for you. But what about clothing with the tags still on it? Many people have a hard time parting with these items because of the sunk cost fallacy. Kondo explains that you can thank these items of clothing and let them go because they show you the types of clothing that you don’t like to wear (or else you would have worn them already!) It is a good reminder that everything has the opportunity to teach us something, if we let it.
Toddlers Can Tidy, Too
As a mother of a 2-year-old and 1-year-old, I appreciated that the first episode featured a couple with two young children. I must admit that when I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, I thought Kondo’s tips weren’t very realistic for families. What about toys and all the other stuff that come with kids? But Kondo, now a mother of a 2-year-old and 1-year-old herself, made it clear in the first episode that her girls help with tidying, including folding their clothes. What I like about Kondo’s approach is that everyone, regardless of their age, can be responsible for their own items. By doing so, you take pride in and care for your possessions. This is a value that we can instill into our children at a young age.
What Challenges You May Surprise You
As couples worked through Kondo’s lessons, it was interesting how each person attributed emotional meaning to different items. For example, one man could easily decide which clothing items sparked joy, but had a difficult time letting go of papers from his past. His partner was the exact opposite.
As Kondo explains, discovering what is difficult for you to let go of is part of the process. It’s important to recognize the feelings, not push them away, and then make the best decision for you as to whether you want to bring these items into your future. In addition, you may be surprised what is difficult for your loved ones. It’s important not to berate them and say, “I can’t believe you’re going to keep that!” Realize that they are on their own journey and respect their decisions.
Why Tidy if we Have the Room?
In the United States, where I live, the average size of single-family homes has increased steadily. In my lifetime (1980 to present), that increase has been 40%. When you have more space, the natural inclination is to fill it with stuff. If you don’t have an issue with storage space in your home, this can be a stumbling block to tidying. One of Kondo’s students in Tidying Up was working alongside her husband to clean out their garage. When they discovered boxes that hadn’t been opened in seven years, her question was, “But if we have the space for it, why don’t we just keep it?” In other words, what’s the harm?
It’s important to realize that our possessions not only take up physical space, but emotional space as well. Removing physical clutter allows us to make room for what we want for our future- more time with our families, a new baby, a new relationship. The reason Kondo focuses on holding, cherishing, and taking care of the belongings that spark joy for us is because what we own impacts our emotional well-being. Bottom line: if you aren’t sure whether to get rid of something, don’t keep it just because you have room in your house.
The popularity of Tidying Up is not surprising, given that it came out in January when everyone is looking for a fresh start. While it promises that following the KonMari method will have you feel more joyful, it is refreshing that she does not promise a quick fix to your clutter woes. The families featured in Tidying Up take a minimum of three weeks to complete their lessons (23 to 53 days). The cameras follow the families as they complete their “homework” and go through the drudgery of reviewing each physical item in their home, deciding what they will keep, and then finding a home for everything. Not to mention everything that is bagged up and removed, either as trash or donations. It is an important reminder that we did not amass all our belongings in one day, so we shouldn’t expect to remove the excess overnight.
Tidying Up has inspired me to jumpstart my decluttering efforts, while reminding me that what I own is a reflection of my identity and my values. Making space for a more joy-filled future is my ultimate goal (although cleaner closets is a nice by-product!)
Decluttering can seem overwhelming when you are getting started. Asking yourself the right questions is so important to you know why you want to keep something or let it go. Use my free resource 50 Questions Minimalists Ask, which includes ten clutter-busting questions and ten questions to ask yourself before purchasing something.
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